Tuesday, May 5, 2009

Readers' Bore-um

It's been a while since I lifted the lid on this particular fiasco. Remember - these are supposedly the best letters received all day, and a human being has hand-selected them for publication.

'On flu':
Shades of Animal Farm. The pigs are fighting back. Beware of the ducks.

J. Davis, Tauranga
What? Is this supposed to be a haiku? I don't understand what you're talking about.

'On Fiji Proposal':
If the Maori Party could hold a coup of their own they would and there would be no democracy for NZ.

Helen Acraman, Te Atatu Peninsula
It's true - she's got documents to prove it. Sure, they're written in her own faeces in a language unknown to man or beast but... you get the picture.

'League team':
Stephen Kearney may have got away with the Rugby League World Cup final last year, and as a proud Kiwi living in Australia, I never miss a chance to remind the Aussies. However, he is kidding if he thinks he will win again with the side he has named.
Where are the form players: Tuiaki, Roberts... [insert interminable list of players and their flaws, which, in a terrible mix-up, has made it into the letters page of a serious broadsheet newspaper]... and someone please put some glue on Ropati's hands.

Steve Hunt, Sunshine Coast
Murray Deaker is thattaway ------->

'Global warming book':
I had hoped that Gareth Morgan's scientific assessment of global warming might answer the question posed in the IPCC's last report: "CO2 has been increasing at a constant rate since 1900 to 2006 and our IPCC computer models [blah blah blah...]

Gareth's answer was confusing. He told me the opposite, that global average temperature is still rising, so who should I believe? [...]

I was left disappointed.

Rex Sellar, Onehunga.
Hi Rex. If I were you, on questions of climate science I would believe a bunch of climate scientists, rather than an economist/man about town. But I feel for you - I too have been left disappointed by some of Gareth Morgan's books. His book on crochet left much to be desired, while his magnum opus on the history of the Tongan language contained inaccurate and often contradictory information.

9 comments:

  1. "If the Maori Party could hold a coup of their own they would and there would be no democracy for NZ.

    Helen Acraman, Te Atatu Peninsula

    It's true - she's got documents to prove it. Sure, they're written in her own faeces in a language unknown to man or beast but... you get the picture."

    Just about fell over laughing reading this at lunch. You're on form today.

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  2. If I could hold a coup of my own, I would, and there would be no democracy in NZ. Just me, ruling with an iron fist.

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  3. "It's true - she's got documents to prove it. Sure, they're written in her own faeces in a language unknown to man or beast but... you get the picture."

    Speaking of which - I found something intriguing on Internet. Just how many Helen Acramans can there be?

    http://www.hellozukzuk.blogspot.com/

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  4. THE EDITORIAL CRACKPIPEMay 5, 2009 at 4:34 PM

    You can't be sure a human being has selected these letters. Garth George used to do that job.

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  5. If I could hold a coup of my own, I would crush you into a fine powder, KC.

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  6. If the ducks could hold a coup of their own they would and Gareth Morgan's league commentary would leave me confused.

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  7. Oh at last. Someone else who thinks the NZ Herald letters are possibly the most boring in all of newspaper land. Who chooses these?

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  8. I quite like the first one.

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