Thursday, April 23, 2009

Party on, Garth

An extra-special edition of 'Party on, Garth' today, as Wayne's World was actually on TV last night.

One would have thought that if there were one topic that would avoid controversy, it would be the annual celebrations/commemorations at Gallipoli. I mean, what could be less controversial than going to a foreign country, visiting the point where we attempted to invade that country during Europe's last great dynastic war, costing the lives of considerably more Turks than 'Allies', and acting like we own the place? Anyway, Garth George takes on this challenge with gusto.

His nominal target is Robin Klitscher, the president of the RSA. Mr Klitscher has apparently warned young New Zealanders to steer clear of Gallipoli around Anzac Day, lest their rowdy behaviour detract from the gravity of the commemorations.

"Bullshit," says Garth:
On the contrary, when I attended the 90th anniversary observances at Anzac Cove and Chunuk Bair in 2005 I found their reception invariably welcoming and friendly.

The Turkish authorities are highly organised and well-practised at catering for the invasion that comes at this time every year and, if some of their internal security troops and highway police are a tad abrupt, rude and autocratic, they are no different from authorities anywhere.
More or less prepared than they were for the invasion in 1915, Garth?

Of course, Mr Klitscher isn't the real target of Garth's ire. At the end of the piece, he gives the game away:
It was comforting to see them there, free of schoolteachers and university pedants, for they were unable to avoid a stern and valid on-the-spot lesson in their nation's fundamental history.

[...] They want to connect with their nation's history, some with their family history too. They are not taken in by the milk-sop pacifism preached in their schoolrooms and lecture halls, or by the politically correct gaps in the laundered history they have been taught.
As a university pedant myself, I am highly offended. I have personally taught many an impressionable first-year to spit on veterans and burp during the national anthem. It shames me to see all my good work going to waste when these youths descend on Gallipoli. I'm a bit confused about the "politically correct gaps in the laundered history," however. Does this mean there are gaps where the history ought to have been laundered, like when the bourgeois hausfrau uses 'other leading brands' in a washing powder commercial? Or has the laundering just removed bits of the history? I recommend going back to the good old days of being taught about the good ol' tommies fighting tooth and nail against the huns, and how the Maori arrived in New Zealand to kill off the peace-loving Moriori, when they should have known that it was Queen Victoria's land in the first place.

God damned Nanny historical research, telling me I'm an old bigot.


  1. Funny. But you know shit all about history.

  2. "I have personally taught many an impressionable first-year to spit on veterans and burp during the national anthem."

    Agreed. That was definitely the best part about tutoring Stage 1 students. Were you stealing my tutorial plans, James?

  3. Hmm, Anonymous. Care to expand on that?

  4. Hey James
    Im not the same anonymous as the one up there who seems like the kind of anonymous who rings you up and breathes heavily down the line at you while masterbating.
    I dont know stuff all about history but thought your article was very interesting. Ka pai.

  5. The only things you know about history are the "facts" they "teach" you at your "university".

    I bet you know do know shit-all about the kind of history you learn in the real world - trackside or in a country pub, for example.

  6. Does Garth include the University of Life - the institution his ilk are so apparently keen on - in his breadth of 'university pedants'?

    Hmmm...I wonder...

  7. How about his opening paragraph

    "You read silly things people say in the newspapers every day but the silliest in recent weeks came from the president of the RSA, Robin Klitscher."

    This must have appealed to his competitive side, I think this is simply a case of good old one-upmanship.

  8. Check out the big brain on Brad. Has your keyboard melted, because you have been on FIRE recently. Keep up the great work.