Wednesday, March 18, 2009

Wednesday, March 18: Got the "Your Views" blues

Everyone knows that a thousand monkeys hammering away at a thousand keyboards will eventually write Hamlet or the Da Vinci Code. But the other, less-reported (!) side of the story is that for every Hamlet or Da Vinci Code produced there will also be hundreds upon hundreds of "Your Views" comments. Hold on to your hats, people, as we take a whirlwind tour of what people have been shouting at each other over the internet in the past week or so.

Has daylight saving gone on too long?

"Lucy in the Sky (Auckland Central): I see little point to [sic] having an extra hour of daylight in the evening. It's [sic] main effect on me is that I use far more power in the morning than normal, as I have to run my morning lights for an hour longer, use more electricity to heat the house in the mornings with the fan oven on full just to keep the house warm until the sun comes up. And of course, having to wait an extra hour in the evening for it to go dark, which is the whole point of an evening, that it gets dark, as opposed to say, daytime."
1) You live in Auckland and in summer you need to turn your oven onto full to heat your house?

2) You heat your house with your oven??

3) I'm with you on the evening thing though. It's so annoying waiting around for it to get dark. I just sit there, rocking back and forth, shouting "Hurry up, damn you! Get to the bloody point!" at the sun.
"Droddles (Remuera): Hate it. The extra daylight hours wreaks havoc on my curtains, carpet and furniture fabrics."
Droddles. Droddles, Droddles, Droddles. You don't hate daylight saving. You hate summer.

Nodev8 (Bay Of Plenty): Far too long, alright for those who can lie in bed till 7.00 to avoid stumbling around in the dark then go cavorting in the early evening. Spare a thought for those required to prepare for and travel to work at 6AM. Never saw any particular value in daylight saving or having a life dictated by the state clock.

Yeah, Nodev8, stick it to the Man! I'm so sick of the Nanny State Clock telling me what the time is!

Do you support The Warehouse's move to charge for plastic bags?

Just one very long one here:

"Lesley (North Shore): No I do not support The Warehouse charging 10c for a plastic bag. Why don't they just change to the plastic bags that decompose? The Warehouse will be making extra money out of this supposedly eco-friendly initiative. Who are these people driving this ill-informed anti-plastic campaign?

Those who manufacturer the 'greenie' anti-plastic cloth bags are doing very well no doubt.I like my plastic bags. Very few plastic bags in my household go to waste because I never buy plastic bags.

Why are plastic disposable nappies not being targeted in the same way? They make up heaps more plastic rubbish in land fills. The Warehouse has been a leader in many things and some not so good. I remember clearly how The Warehouse wrecked the joy of Christmas when they decided to open Boxing Day with massive sales.

I had purchased a boogie board Christmas Eve. Boxing day it was half price. I was so brassed off I took it back - got a refund - and purchased it again at half price. Nanny State may have gone but there is another to take her place - The Warehouse and Retailers Association and now, after Nick Smith's comments(dare I say it)the new government that I voted in is showing a bit of nannyi"

I'm not sure who to blame for this disastrous initiative. Is it the money-grubbing Shylocks in charge of the Warehouse, laughing all the way to the bank with their massive plastic bag profits? Is it 'Big Paper' putting plastic down? Or is it the powerful recycling-industrial complex and its behind-the-scenes machinations? Seriously, this isn't the only idiot who thinks that Warehouse bags used to be free, but will now cost money. Where did the bags come from before, Lesley? Did they just appear magically at the checkout? Have you even heard of the concept of economics? But my favourite thing about this "view" is how Lesley veers quite rapidly off topic. Pretty soon the Warehouse is stealing Christmas, ruining Easter and molesting Bambi. But that's only the start; by the final paragraph he (surely it must be a he) is in full flow. He's not happy that he got a half-price boogie board - it is probably the fault of Nanny State. The cherry on top is the fact that Lesley was so furious that he could not finish the last sentence. In my mind, I like to picture Lesley mashing his face against the keyboard in rage and accidentally submitting his comment before he could properly finish. Oh, to be a fly on the wall.

Does New Zealand need an anti-terror squad?

"Concerned kiwi (Auckland Central): If we don't have one, at least give the impression that we do. Terrorists are targeting passive countries like ours to plot their next attack. Okay, there's no proof this is happening here nor are we the target but let's not encourage them and advertise our position."
That's amazing. Go on, read it again. This comment rewards repeat viewings. The only problem with Concerned kiwi's comment is that Osama bin Laden reads "Your Views"and now he's going to know that we are only pretending to have an anti-terror squad. Okay, there's no proof of that.

Kingi, however, begs to differ:

"Kingi (Auckland): New Zealand needs an anti terroist squad to be on standby 24/7 when called upon by the Police. The boy racer lynch mob is a prime example, where Police Officers are outnumbered and unarmed. Their lives are threathened, they are under assault and the public are at great risk.

NZ security is paramount for our country when global terroism is rife. NZ is easy pickings, a soft target, with border control and immigration slack. People movers are in and out, sitters are in wait, illegal immigrants are being sought in numbers. False passports are widespread with a growing number of asylum seekers and too many undesirables
allowed to enter the country. Foreignors increase each year changing cultural balance.

New Zealand have enemies, and friends that are not really friends. Sport venues are a place of terroism which is why this unit should be in place for the Rugby world Cup.

More emphasis should be placed on NZ national security and tighter restrictions with anything coming in and out of the country. The shores should be closely monitored and the anti terroist squad should be trained and prepared for anything should boats be a target."

It's worse than I had feared. Sitters are in wait. Illegal immigrants are being sought in numbers. We have friends that are not really friends - just like that dream I had as a child where my mum was paying my friends to hang out with me. Sports venues are a place for "terroism" - at least they are are when the All Blacks get beaten! Ho ho. This would be an excellent example of the widespread irrational paranoia, happily fostered by the media, about crime, immigration, terrorism and the "boy racer lynch mob", but it's just too charming. Look how Kingi spells terror "terro" every time! Awww.

Fortunately, Clare is here to settle the question once and for all:

Clare Swinney (Whangarei): The New Zealand people do not need an 'anti-terror' squad. The 7/7 bombings, Oklahoma City bombings, 9/11 attacks and many other terror events have been proven to be inside jobs used to justify the setting up of a police state, surveillance grid and invade countries for their oil. Even the BBC series 'The Power of Nightmares' revealed the War on Terror is a scam.

People need to ask themselves what the real reason for this squad is. Look into what the elite bankers' have planned for us under the "New World Order." It is tyrannical. Ask yourself: "Is the Government expecting resistance to what they plan to do and is this squad really to provide protection for the government?"

Ah, ok, it's been proven to be an inside job. Never mind. The bankers just want an anti-terror squad, presumably to protect them from getting lynched by the public on the way to cash their bonus cheques.



    Claire Swinney obviously knows something we don't.
    BBC website has something similar and someone came up with a comment generator which simulates those million monkeys banging away on the million keyboards

  2. Ah, this tested the limits of my inside laugh. Nicely done.
    PS Your mum still pays people to be friends with you. :)

  3. You've inspired me to waste time flicking through Your views. On 'tasteless alcohol advertising':

    "Its amazing how prudish society has come. If you don't like the dam billboard don't have a look at it and secondly don't buy the beer. I find a lot of things offensive like muslim churches, Giant Daniel Carter Billboards in his Jockeys, but like a resonable person I choose not to look or buy jockeys or go to a muslim church. I accept that others find if fulfulling or amusing or in good taste."

    Arrrgh Giant Muslim Beaver Daniel Carter attack!

  4. I certainly find it amusing to attend a Muslim church.

  5. A monkey/typewriter related insult? It is my esteemed honour to be plagiarised, or, if we're being generous, paraphrased, by the great James Coe. All this after my sixth form English teacher said that I would never achieve anything noteworthy in the literary world. I showed her. I showed them all!

  6. This one is just bizarre:

    No, I never trust those networking sites.Facebook etc seems causing many problems lately, and you can just be told, "Sorry" for compromising the private information - Once it's done, it is done.

    I have tired Linkedin, but you donot have to put a lot of information unless you want to.
    For Online in general, If I Google, now I get so much information - So, it is very important to be in control of what you put in online.

    Interesting news on this about my ex-boyfriend. Even those undisclosed full names at Online Dating site included his, occasionally, appear on the search result. Sooo watch out everyone!

    Cheating is no longer a secretive behavior; rather that you are actually broadcasting your truth OnLine! Irony is that, he is due to get married soon. How miserable it would be.
    Try Google names in question, ideally repeatedly. Some time it really can show you the truth. And it can be a relief, and even enlightening.

    - Cal Quail (Tasmania)

    Ah. Tasmania...

  7. Actually, I tried Google name in question (Cal Quail from Tasmania) and it is both a relief AND enlightening! Cal is a goldmine of stream-of-very-little-consciousness Your Viewing. Soooo watch out everyone!

    Scratching my head, thinking where are those "common sense " once we called?
    Octoplet's mom in california where the state is in deep debt, 13 yr old father who does not know the term "finance".on and on and on, enough is quite enough to me. I feel like, is it only my clan thinking how to become financially independent from all, and plan a family?
    What are those kids and immature-self centered mums thinking? And how do they think, they be good parents?
    I really think they 've got priority terribly wrong. I'm Sorry.

    In Tibet, I heard Gov't's top spending is Education and that's why people in Tibet are wise. Not so much wealth, but brains exist.

    I could attest this so from my experience. Eg. Simon is a great example who cut off people just like a cutting throat businessman, who even cannot really keep a friendship that was sustainable. Bruised to bones and cynicism and profit. Arrogance and lack of genuine humane heart. I am so sorry!

    As long as I have the right maps and a good Corolla with petrol, I can travel any where!
    And I am a woman, so what was the question?

    It is easy to blame on Fonterra, but it is the corporate partnership that they had with Sanlu. Surgically examining how it happened in China, it is clear infusion of Melamin was ill - intentional by the personnel of Sanlu.

    I don't like coffee so much as it's caffeine in it, but Latte is OK; it's mild.
    Good hot cafe latte gives warmth in cold weather!

    And my personal favourite - Cal sums up the cons of the 90 day trial period:

    Horrible, but in reality it can happen - I am not sure how Govt can act and play- Or worker is wise enough to conclude s/he shouldn't have applied the job at the first place! At any case, that horrible management will have to pay the prices which it asks for by slashing and doing 'what ever it likes!' weather it be materialistically or spiritually. Greed won't survive! Thats the law.

    Hear that? Greed won't survive! That's the law. Try Google name in question repeatedly.

  8. Yeah watch that fine line with bullying you're rollerskating around there gazza.

  9. I wouldn't worry. I believe the main hysteria is over text bullying and Facebook bullying these days - there's probably still a year or two before it switches to blog comment bullying.

  10. James I thought I'd let you scoop the Herald on this I know Chimp News Rage is so last week...but forewarned is forearmed...

    "Armed Chimps Go Wild For Honey"

    Why they couldn't have left the title at just "Armed Chimps Go Wild" is beyond me!

  11. Since when did quoting someone verbatim become bullying?

  12. Hey James, I don't think you or the Herald's readers realise all proceeds from the plastic bags are going to charity.