When life gives you lemons, make lemonade, they say. I was never entirely sure what to make of that platitude, except on a solely literal level. As such, I am unsure of how to approach today's Herald, which makes last Tuesday's look like the love child of Pravda and The Sun. Perhaps I'm not cut out for journalism after all - the staff at the Herald can't just have a big "Sorry: no news today" headline on the front page, stuffing the rest of the paper with whiteware ads and 'Your Views'. On the other hand, I suppose their task is easier - they just have to say that something happened, no matter how banal it is. The remit of the news-rage journalist is much narrower. It's not enough to rage with the Herald; one must rage at it. The other problem is that, as I have discussed before, one must have certain standards. The day I write an entry about Sideswipe is the day I retire from the blogging business. Today, for instance, is Wednesday - and Wednesday is Viva day, meaning a whole supplement dedicated to "the good things in life". Which is upper-middle-class-speak for all sorts of bourgeois bollocks. Newton is the new Ponsonby. Personal trainers are the new gyms. Bobs are the new hair extensions. A cutting edge interview with a woman who "cuts a cool figure in the crazy [sic] world of PR" - she can't live without her "La Prairie Lip Plumper". Of course she can't. See how easy that was? I would never stoop to such a level, not for all the Italian Travertine Marble Tables (from $2995) or "minimalist warehouse chic" floor lamps ($2050) in Newton.
So fingers crossed for Garth George tomorrow.