Tuesday, June 1, 2010


During my most recent absence, I used my time on all sorts of esoteric creative adventures. One of them was the short-lived but legendary DOG NEWZ. A masterwork of ultra-concise satire, I skewered the liberal media with cutting wit, etc. etc.

Anyway, obviously the Herald would never do anything like run a front page report on a dog - certainly not after the savaging they would have got on DOG NEWZ...

Dum de dum.
Oh, a free glossy magazine, the Red Bulletin - aka a 100-page advertising supplement for Red Bull. John Key's nether regions. Something unimportant about Israel.

Oh, what's that on the bottom left?

Choice quotes:
"She's well kept, she's clean and she smells good," Mr Eagles said.

"Funnily enough, it's the second dog I've found at the top of the Harbour Bridge."

"I thought, 'How the hell would a penguin get up here and nobody see it until it's right at the top of the bridge?"'


  1. http://www.stuff.co.nz/the-press/news/3760240/Boy-sees-burglar-kill-dog

  2. On the upside, a front page with no mention of the fucking All Blacks is a good front page as far as I'm concerned.

    'Good' is obviously relative when referring to the Herald.

  3. It's the "Can your dog do this?" school of journalism.

  4. And it's in the paper yet again on the Metro pages!

    Newsroom Jesus wept.

  5. Can you please do a Party On Garth comeback special... for old times sake.

    This weeks is an especially hypocritical, convoluted bunch of old toss, and I need to you tear it apart.

  6. Yes, I especially love how he carries on for paragraphs about the 6 day working week, and then glosses right over thou shalt not kill - "I know that murder, adultery (and fornication), theft and lying and cheating have always been with us - and always will." Oh. Right then.

  7. Apparently some people argure that the Commandements are listed in order of severity, so raping is bad, but working on a Sunday is worse.

    Raping on a Sunday? That's the worst...