The Milli Vanilli of crime

Oh Millie. Not aother warrant.

Flag Debate III: Flag Debate Goes Bananas

Courtesy of Joseph:


"I was sceptical, but some of the Herald's suggestions for a new flag are actually surprisingly edgy and out-there..."


Edit: 'Rusty' - incidentally the name of my old dog - suggests number 41 is superior. Here's the link to 41 and the whole gallery so you can make up your own mind.

Graphic violence

There's a story in the paper today about an Israeli study supposedly showing that smokers have lower IQs than non-smokers. The story's interesting as far as it goes - it probably shouldn't come as a surprise that cigarette marketers aim for the stupid.

But what I found interesting about the article in the Editing-the-Herald-sense was how the Herald decided to turn the Reuters article into a bit of a joke. First, there's the pointless Emmerson cartoon which I won't bother to reproduce here. Secondly, there's a Herald Graphic pointing out some famous smokers and non-smokers, compiled by some wag at the paper:


Right, so I get the joke: Einstein was smart, and he smoked. Meanwhile, Dubya was dumb and he didn't. But the research says dumb people smoke and smart people don't! So there's a very funny inversion going on here. I get that.

But how exactly did the Herald decide which eight examples to cite? Are the famous smokers just famous people who smoked, or people who are famous for smoking? Einstein was certainly famous, but I'm not sure people reminisce along the lines of, "Einstein, yeah, I remember that guy - he smoked like a train." Freud you can possibly get away with - sometimes a cigar is just a cigar. Kate Moss is an odd addition; wasn't the point of the graphic to get smart people who smoked?

How about the other side? Making a list of 'famous non-smokers' seems a bit like making a list of 'famous right-handers': pointless. But let's bear with them. Helen Clark? Is she a notorious straight-edger? I suppose she did bring in the restaurant smoking ban. But then it just gets weird. George Reeves? I dare say that if you have to put what he's 'famous' for in brackets after his name - "(1950s Superman)" - he's not quite famous enough to make the Top Four Famous Non-Smokers. What's more, using the latest online research techniques I discovered the following on his Wikipedia page:

Reeves took his role model status seriously, avoiding cigarettes where children could see him and eventually quitting smoking.

So not really a non-smoker, and more a former smoker - especially seeing he's been dead for fifty years.

Then there's Hitler - well that was original. What should one read into the juxtaposition of Helen Clark with Hitler and - worse - Bush? I'll leave that up to you, the reader.

Anyway, an exercise in pointlessness, and I can't believe - and I'm sure my boss wouldn't either - that I spent so long wondering about it. Or that you bothered to read it.

BUNNY

Page A3 hosts the next installment in the Herald's series on 'Shit That Happened To Animals'. It's not a dog - sorry 'Rusty' - but, if anything, it's even cuter!

A man will appear in court today charged with animal cruelty after apparently using a lop-eared rabbit to threaten passersby on Auckland's Queen St.

Police say the 53-year-old stole the bunny - which the SPCA has subsequently named Larry - and swung it by its ears at pedestrians, while verbally abusing them.

[...] When officers arrived, the man allegedly tried to hide the rabbit under his shirt. Police had to wrestle the rabbit from him, and the security guard held it as the man was handcuffed.

More details! What colour was the shirt? What wrestling techniques were used? Greco-Roman? How did the guard hold the rabb... er, Larry?

The man then allegedly spat at police.

Oh, who cares about the person involved.

* Anyone with information about the rabbit should call the Auckland downtown police station on 09 379 4500 or Vicki Border at the SPCA on 09 256 7300 x867.

Yes, I'm sure that this is exactly what the police need to be dealing with - animal-crazed lunatics ringing them up with unsubstantiated rumours concerning missing pet rabbits.

Anyway, the good news is that the rabbit seems to be all right.

SPCA inspector Vicki Border said the rabbit was checked by a veterinarian at Mangere headquarters, but appeared to have escaped uninjured.

Article continues below

"He was in a very stressful state. It's very remarkable he's in one piece considering what happened."

Excellent. Now where's my bacon and eggs?

Always look on the bright side

Anyone up for some schadenfreude?

Well that doesn't sound too bad. Until you keep reading, and find out that lauding this 'improvement' is a little bit like saying that, say, the Black Eyed Peas are improving because each song is only a little more soul-destroying than the last.

APN said that although revenue fell 10 per cent at its publishing business in this country for the entire half, fourth quarter revenues had improved that trend to be down 6 per cent.

So by improving you mean worsening less quickly. Unfortunately, that's the only 'good' news.

Earnings before interest and tax (ebit) for the NZ Publishing division in the six months to December fell 11 per cent from a year earlier to A$36.4 million ($46.7 million). In local currency terms the decline was 9 per cent.

Revenues at NZ Publishing fell 13 per cent to A$164.3m, or 10 per cent for local currency.

At the NZ Radio division ebit fell 22 per cent to A$7.7m, with the local currency drop 20 per cent. Revenue at NZ Radio was down 15 per cent - 12 per cent in local currency - to A$43.4m.

[...] For the full 2009 year, APN reported net profit down 34 per cent from a year earlier to A$94.2m, while underlying revenue fell 14 per cent to A$1.03 billion.

But don't worry:

Hopkins said APN had been able to mitigate the full effects of the global financial crisis through a combination of effective cost management and targeted sales campaigns. Total costs fell A$78m.

For example, you could cut the number of journalists writing business articles:

"The directors have seen an improvement in trading over the fourth quarter and in the early weeks of the New Year that provides confidence that 2010 will be a better year," APN said.

- NZPA

Who would have thought?

Page A2 of today's paper - "Most Kiwis feeling financially shaken by crisis - survey":

Three in five female New Zealanders and just over half of Kiwi men say the global financial crisis has made them feel financially stressed but most don't plan to change the way they spend or invest, a survey by a financial industry lobby group has found.

[...] Only 8 per cent of those questioned said they were better off since the financial crisis with lower taxes and interest rates, and 41 per cent said they were in the same position.

Article continues below

A further 38 per cent said they felt slightly worse off than a year ago and 12 per cent said they were significantly worse off.

[...] The survey found 23 per cent were still saving nothing from their income while appetite for credit remains high.

Of the 81 per cent holding a credit card, 19 per cent admitted they sometimes pay interest while 26 per cent said they usually end up paying interest on their credit card debt.

Yawn. Perhaps 'Tamsyn Parker' is, like Alan Smithee, a default name. In this case, it's just when a staff reporter has cut and pasted from a survey press release.

Anyway, just to see if you were reading properly:

Three in five female New Zealanders and just over half of Kiwi men say the global financial crisis has made them feel financially stressed but most don't plan to change the way they spend or invest, a survey by a financial industry lobby group has found.

[...] Two-thirds of female respondents and 55 per cent of male respondents to the survey said they were feeling financially stressed.

Three in five, two thirds... same thing, right?

Meanwhile, tagged on at the very end of the article:

Dr Fahy said New Zealand's ageing population meant the current superannuation entitlement age would become unsustainable and the rising cost of superannuation and healthcare meant people should no longer rely on taxes paid during their lifetime to fund superannuation or free healthcare.

Don't worry, status quo. I'm pretty sure I'm the only person who made it that far.

The Biggest Loser: Dog Edition

At the top of today's Page A3:

Editor 1: "We can only run one dog story today. Do we go with the dog mauling the woman and child, or the dog that... lost weight?"

Editor 2: "Or no dog stories at..."

Editor 1: "You're fired."

"He loves fruits - especially blueberries," Mr Chin said. "But he also loves the odd cheeseburger ... but only for a treat."

He's a dog, and he'll eat his own faeces if you don't stop him.