Secret Packaging Overlords

Sure, household use of plastic carrier bags may only account for 0.88% of domestic and commercial waste - but the ever-increasing campaign to get rid of Nanny Plastic Bag is deemed front page news today. I don't care so much about the article itself; rather, I am concerned with reporter Eloise Gibson's quoting of the shadowy-sounding Packaging Council. I have never heard of this organisation, who evidently care so much about packaging that they have formed some kind of grassroots local body government to discuss it, possibly led by a Packaging Mayor.

According to the 'story', with the Warehouse and Foodstuffs starting to directly charge customers the heat is on Progressive Enterprises - the friendly faces behind Foodtown, Countdown and Woolworths - to keep in step. That's all very well, albeit arguably not news, but it gets interesting a few paragraphs in:

The Warehouse, Progressive, Foodstuffs and other retailers have signed a voluntary agreement with the Packaging Council reduce use of plastic bags.

I'm sorry, with whom? Who is this Packaging Council, and whom do they represent? What's their angle?

The Packaging Council says the 2004 voluntary agreement has taken 100 million bags out of circulation and is on track to reach a 20 per cent reduction by July.

[...] The Packaging Council says people would use more plastic bin liners if they cannot get free plastics bags to use as rubbish bags.

[...] The Packaging Council wants more effort to be put into increasing the number of bags that are recycled.

You had better believe that the Packaging Council gets what it wants - or else. I think it's cute how the Council is quoted directly, rather than via a spokesperson - it really gives it that conspiracy feel. But it's nice that the Herald is canvassing not only the supermarkets, but also some sort of independent think-tank.

Oh, hang on. The Packaging Council website (investigative journalism!) rather gives the game away:

The Packaging Council of New Zealand is industry’s voice on policies affecting packaging and packaging waste. We are the focal point for providing impartial, factual information on packaging and the impact of packaging on the environment.

Ah, the industry's voice. Members of the Packaging Council include:

• The Warehouse
• Foodstuffs
• Progressive Enterprises

So, Eloise, when you say that "the Warehouse, Progressive, Foodstuffs and other retailers have signed a voluntary agreement with the Packaging Council reduce [sic] use of plastic bags", what you mean is that they have signed deals with themselves to do whatever makes the most money. So, yeah. Next time you talk about some group no one has ever heard of on the front page of the Herald, maybe you should tell your readers who they are, so they may have some idea why they say what they do. I would have thought Journalism 101 at AUTU would have covered that.

Reading the tealeaves

Some questions one can expect to be answered well and thoroughly on "Your Views", such as "Should criminals have to do the time?". With others, I question the judgement of the rabid, syphilitic monkey who decides what topics to post. One might think that choosing between different hydroelectric options on the Clutha River would best be done by people who know something - anything - about hydroelectric power, but no:

"What is the best hydro-electric option for the Clutha River?"

Go on, read it, get educated.

In an exclusive leak, here are some other upcoming topics for YV to decide:

• "How much dark matter is in the universe?"
• "How would you perfect cold fusion?"
  
• "What number am I thinking of?"
  

JG Ballard, 1930-2009

The Guardian's obituary is here (because I imagine there won't be a Herald one).

Forgive the indulgence, but Ballard was probably my favourite living author (aside from Dan Brown and J.K. Rowling, of course). If you're into post-modern futuristic dreamscapes, erotic car crashes, the geometry of sex and titles like "Why I Want to Fuck Ronald Reagan", head down to your local Paper Plus and have a look.

I hereby declare a minute's blogging silence.

Newspapers in glass houses...

From an article in the Herald entitled "Have I got very little news for you" that has mysteriously not turned up online:

In a satirical jibe at stringent censorship imposed by Fiji's military government, the Daily Post newspaper has been filling the space with some non-news.

Headlines in Wednesday's edition included "Man gets on bus", over an item reading: "In what is believed to be the first incident of its kind, a man got on a bus yesterday. 'It was easy,' he said. 'I just lifted one leg up and then the other and I was on'."

Another headed "Breakfast as usual" began: "It was breakfast as usual for the staff of this newspaper. 'I had leftover roti from last night,' senior reporter Manueli told his colleague."

Now where have I seen this kind of thing before...

Veitchtravaganza

It all started on Wednesday night. There I was, sitting, watching television, minding my own business. Then it hit me. "Breaking News", said Nightline (if that's what they still call it): "something has happened." That something involved Tony Veitch, a person who, not being much into New Zealand sport, I had only vaguely heard of. My lack of familiarity with this individual notwithstanding, 3 News had decided that a reporter needed to be sent to stand outside the Auckland District Court to deliver the shocking news that some sort of decision had been made regarding Tony Veitch's trial. She (the reporter) didn't know what the news was, but her keen journalistic instincts told her that there was some. Before long I was swept up in the next story, an important update on the new presidential dog (don't get me started). But I knew something big was about to go down.

I was right. Last night's 3 News dedicated the first ten minutes of the programme - a programme that, once you take out ads, weather, sport and witty banter, lasts about 18 minutes - to the Veitch case. Scout's honour, that's the truth. I sat in my chair, gripping the armrests, the other people in the room shrinking in horror as the air turned increasingly blue. But I knew what I would have to do. So as I picked up my copy of the Herald this morning, a smile of grim satisfaction spread across my face. Veitchgate dominated the front page. Veitchgate was page A2. I cackled to myself, wiping the drool from my maddened lips with an increasingly sodden handkerchief...

Anyway, I trust we're all on the same page with this. In case you have spent the last wee while being waterboarded in a secret CIA detention camp in Uzbekistan, Tony Veitch is a former sports presenter most famous (to me) for comparing tennis's Williams sisters to apes.* Yesterday, he pleaded guilty to injuring his former partner with reckless disregard; to the laypeople among us, he kicked his girlfriend in the back. So yes, not a very nice guy; but if everyone who got convicted of some kind of serious assault got on the news... well, people might have to look out the window to find out what the weather was like. Meanwhile, the Herald used no fewer than five journalists on the various Veitch stories yesterday. So what's the big deal?

One doesn't have to be a genius to work it out - although it helps. Celebrity is news. Even better, a bunch of celebrities wrote to support this celebrity, which means that reporter Jared Savage (and/or a subeditor, of course) gets to write about celebrities, add in a little list of celebrities in a box for those too busy or starstruck to read his article, and put in photos of his two favourite celebrities. Apparently he is a lovely guy, who would never kick a woman in the back. Mr Savage also unironically reports on the "media frenzy" around the news:

Nearly 30 reporters and photographers swarmed to a car that pulled up outside the Auckland District Court in the mistaken belief that Veitch had arrived.

The door opened to reveal Mark Sainsbury, from TVNZ's Close Up. He was later joined by TV3 rival John Campbell in a sign this was big news.

It was standing room only inside the courtroom as journalists jockeyed for position and lawyers from unrelated cases poked their noses through the court door.

Veitch's media minder Glenda Hughes sat at the back, with gossip columnist Bridget Saunders nearby and detectives guarding the empty seat where Kristin Dunne-Powell would sit in the front row.

Bridget Saunders! It looks like she's really stolen a march on Herald gossip queen Rachel Glucina. The reporting on reporting amuses me; I sometimes wonder if you could maintain a bunch of reporters who only reported on what the other reporters were reporting on, or whether that would collapse the space-time continuum.

In conclusion, no one should be surprised that a (minor) celebrity court case makes the news. What appals me is the sheer scale of the coverage, as if John Key had burned down an orphanage. In my heart of hearts, I pray that it is just a slow news day. To finish, I turn to the "Your Views" question on 'Veitchy': should he get another chance in the media?

50nine (Kaikoura) The past is over and his former gilrfriend is still alive. Of course Tony should work for TV One again. We all like him - he's a nice guy like Paul.

She's still alive, after all; it's so easy to get carried away with this sort of thing.


* Or something along those lines - please don't sue me.

Do the crime, do the time

As far as shake-ups of the prison system go, it's not huge - but the news that Corrections Minister Judith Collins is going to consider implementing a Maori Party proposal to open a rehabilitation centre for a few dozen Maori inmates who have served most of their sentence and met good behaviour criteria has still been deemed the most newsworthy story of the day. Now why could that be?

The article itself, by the reliable Patrick Gower, is pretty good, apart from the kneejerk consultation of Act MP/Sensible Sentencing Trust moaner/general sourpuss David Garrett, but the subeditor on the story has really gone to town on it. The headline, "Minister backs separate prison unit for Maori" seems dangerously misleading; there are apparently 4188 Maori inmates in New Zealand, and 60 beds in the proposed centre - maybe the rest of them will sleep on the deck chairs by the pool. And the sub-headline - "Collins keen on idea of fewer jailers and more 'healers' if it can help reduce crime rate" - seems determined to to infuriate the various rednecks and racists who populate the seedy world of "Your Views". Speaking of which...

It turns out to be quite a 'fun' game to read the Herald and try to guess which articles are going to be posted as "Your Views" questions. This one jumped right out at me as meeting a bunch of the criteria: law and order issue; government being 'soft on crime'; bludging Maori. And guess what - when I clicked the shortcut button that takes me right into the centre of the swirling maelstrom of fury and bad grammar, there it was: "Do you think an 'alternative rehabilitation centre' will help reduce Maori crime rates?" Hold your nose people:

Mumbles (Mt Eden): [...] There would also be inconsistencies in sentencing, a European rapist may get 14 years but a Maori rapist gets "healing" and a conference in a quasi marae ?

Yes, because that's exactly what the article said.

Fed Up (Christchurch): What next, seperate prisons for Gangs also. I thought we voted out the PC Nannies, but it appears this Government are now becoming just as bad as the last lot, giving in to Minority Groups.

Sorry, if you do the crime you do he time, regardless of race creed or colour. What next? Maori Child care centres, Maori Courts, Seperate Maori Toilets, sound familiar, this is what South Africa got away from, but it was White everything. This country is becoming a Racist State against everyone other than Maori.

You're right - bloody Nanny Maoris. First they steal all our money in Treaty 'settlements', now they are stealing all our prison population. But it's worse than you think - the Maori-only prison will have Maori-only toilets. Someone call Nelson Mandela at once.

Duncan Smith (Onehunga): [...] The people running it, who dont give a flying banana about rehabilitation, just their salaries and their new high profile positions will promptly embezzle as much as possible.
The "prisoners" will be forgotton, with it becomming a holiday camp for them - lounging by the pool, smoking P, all at the taxpayers expense.
[...]Differential treatment based on race is racism. One country, one law - you don't like it - move!

I love how Duncan's conception of prison seems awfully like a hip hop video. And how are they supposed to move if they are locked up in prison? You didn't think it through, Duncan.

Now, of course it's fun to point and laugh at the people on YV. But the main culprit here is the Herald; when you take what is a good article about a topic of reasonable interest - although all that has happened is that a minister is interested in hearing more about a proposal - and make it the main story with a misleading headline, then throw it on YV, you do journalism a disservice. Lock 'em up and throw away the key - hanging's too good for 'em.

Readers' Bore-um

Like sands in the hourglass, these are the Views of Idiots:

It was refreshing to view the "pondlife" of Auckland politics from a distance over Easter. The conclusion of a clear-thinking group of Kiwis gathered around the barbecue at Lake Rotoiti on Saturday night was simple: by virtue of self-interest, none of the current mayoral incumbents is eligible for the job at the helm of the Super City.

[...] Barack Obama and John Key have lifted the bar in politics. This is Auckland's opportunity to step up and shine, and here are the people we think have the credentials for the task: Kevin Roberts and Chris Liddell.

Sally Elton, Devonport.

Wow, to be a fly on the wall at that barbecue! I like her ideas so much that I can't see why we don't just appoint Sally and her clear-thinking friends to the role of joint-mayor, especially since I fear that Kevin Roberts and Chris Liddell (the CEO of Saatchi & Saatchi and CFO of Microsoft respectively) may be unwilling to leave their current positions. But Sally is right - Auckland does need to step up and shine. After the inspirational Barack Obama, America's first black president, and the equally inspirational John Key, our first black prime minister, we should not compromise. Let us immediately run a "Your Views" on the topic of who our fantasy mayor should be. My 'vote' is for Zac Efron - he's a dreamboat.

Why do heads of state always have to meet in some huge, over-populated city for their big pow-wows? I suggest that they have a chat with the King of Saudi Arabia and see if they can go out in the desert. There would be no fools causing mayhem. If one did sneak through he would deeply regret it.

Susan Lawrence, Kohimarama.

Yeah, and why is it that thieves don't have their hands chopped off? Maybe John Key could have a chat to the King of Saudi Arabia about that too. But seriously, Susan, you're right. All this democracy and transparency business must stop.

When are Ellis, Workman, Bott, Wilson and their ilk [a ragtag bunch of lawyers and penal reform/civil liberties campaigners] going to describe their group [I don't think they really have a group] correctly: the Council for Criminal Rights, a group with no regard for the actions and consequences of criminals on their victims.

J. Bradley, Christchurch [!]

They could do, but then they might get confused with the other CCR, a group with no regard for the consequences of awesome rock n' roll on music fans.