Friday, October 29, 2010


Thanks, South Island affairs correspondent.

The male bird, known as Aragorn, this weekend attacked Dian Edmondson while she was kayaking.

The attack was so fierce she had to fend it off with a paddle.

She says she was told of other attacks on the same day.

When she first passed by the swan to say hello "he had his head down, tucked under his wings and I just thought he was being shy".

But later, as she passed a bridge, she heard a yell: "hey, he's going to get you" - and then the feathers began to fly.

"He actually physically got out of the water on top of my kayak, at the back. He had his wings stretched out ... attacking my kayak with his beak. All I know is my boat's shaking ... and I was screaming and carrying on."

I'm sorry - Aragorn?

On second thoughts, maybe we should let The Hobbit go overseas until we have a firmer grip on reality.

EDIT: Just saw that the swan made the front page of the print edition. Well done, big guy.


  1. A sudden blow: the great wings beating still
    Above the staggering girl, her thighs caressed
    By the dark webs, her nape caught in his bill,
    He holds her helpless breast upon his breast.

    How can those terrified vague fingers push
    The feathered glory from her loosening thighs?
    And how can body, laid in that white rush,
    But feel the strange heart beating where it lies?

    A shudder in the loins engenders there
    The broken wall, the burning roof and tower
    And Agamemnon dead.

    Being so caught up,

    So mastered by the brute blood of the air,
    Did she put on his knowledge with his power
    Before the indifferent beak could let her drop?

  2. My summer flowerlings were dug up by the neighbour's cat, looking to do a crap in my nice new weed-free soil.

    It's name is Biblo.

    *where's a Herald reporter when you need one*

  3. (and where's James when you need him to edit the comments?)

  4. Sorry, I was reading the breaking story about two blondes in a bar fight.

  5. I bet some wanker goes and kills the swan now it has been identified.

    Whatever happened to name suppression?

  6. Yes the blondes bar fight has gotten saturation coverage. So glad the media keep us apprised of the vital issues

  7. Newsflash: swans are territorial!

    Is it just me, or has everyone else not known this since 1889?

    You go near a swan on the water at this time of year, you're asking for a broken arm or worse. Seriously, do they not teach anything in schools any more?

  8. Do they want a scary animal report from France? You saw the cat photos on my facebook, right?

  9. More hard-hitting, avian-related coverage - a story worth of Beck Vass, but actually just nicked from NZPA instead:


    I'm surprised they didn't include the line "This incident comes less than a week after a shy swan flapped his wings at an innocent kayaker."

    Constable Jeff Woolf said "I felt like I was watching the Road Runner cartoon."

    If even the police can't tell the difference between an Emu and a Greater Roadrunner (, what hope is there for society?

  10. Ack! 'worth' = 'worthy'